SISTERS OF CHARITY

“Sisters of Charity, my ass. They shoulda called ’em Sisters of No Mercy. There was one, Sister Elise. The worst of all a them. Short, round and homicidal. She had these stubby little fingers she would dig into your hair, down to the scalp, and yank so hard, you thought the hair was gonna come outta your head.”

“Yeah, my brother had her for fifth grade.”

“That’s the one. Fifth grade. So you know about her.”

“Everybody knows about her.”

“So you know what I’m talkin’ about.”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway. Every afternoon at about one o’clock, we had this study period. Now we’re supposed to sit quiet for an hour and read.”

“Yeah. Fat chance a that.”

“Exactly. No fuckin’ way. So we’re all sittin’  in the back, ’cause that’s where we sat, in the back, so we could fuck around, me, Petey, Sal and Joey. ”

“What a fuckin’ crew that was.”

“You don’t know the half of it.”

“I don’t wanna know.”

“So we’re duckin’ down, makin’ paper airplanes, passin’ shit around and checkin’ out the chick with the tits.”

“Girl had tits in the fifth grade?”

“That’s why we were lookin’.”

“God damn.”

“So anyway. Back to the story. We’re fuckin’ around, havin’ a good time, thinkin’ Sister Elise doesn’t see shit. She’s sittin’ there, sittin’ there. Finally she gets up. Now everybody shuts up. So the book we’re supposed to be readin’ is this big heavy geography text book. Well she starts walkin’ down the aisle where Petey sits, stops in front of his desk and stands there lookin’ down at him for a second. Then all of a sudden, she picks the text book up in both hands, lifts it high in the air and wham! Right on top of Petey’s head. She puts the book back on his desk, turns and walks back up the aisle. Never says a word.

“You guys musta been dyin’.”

“Oh, we were fuckin’ rollin’.”

“Always Petey.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”